what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
