Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you would pick up someone in the library
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
