so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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