i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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