JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
