Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
