I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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