i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i would punch a child for taco bell
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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