I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
