Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
