I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
