bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
