i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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