ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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