after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
