I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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