She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can text with my tongue
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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