Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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