I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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