you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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