this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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