Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize