There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
