Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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