What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
