yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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