we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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