Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
