If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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