it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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