No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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