I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
