I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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