he shaved USA in his pubs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
