I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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