I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
