I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
