that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Rumble strips road head = magical
My penis needs a shock collar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
