I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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