Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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