For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
