before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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