16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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