Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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