how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
