You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
