just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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