You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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