DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
