I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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