Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
