just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
