If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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