ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
