I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
