You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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