I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
