Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wear drunk well.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
