ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
