I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my poor anus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
