Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
