things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
