Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
