she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
