i permit you to call me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
