are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
