He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
