Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
