around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
