If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Vodka?
Forever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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