needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
