It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
