I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
