I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
