you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
