Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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