I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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