sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
